Build a Stronger Business by Leaning Into Discomfort

In last week’s episode of The Solo Grind we talked about the so-called “must have” business tools and resources, and the noise they generate in our lives as solo business owners. There is the constant barrage of marketing around these tools for one. They are everywhere from our social media feeds… email… physical mail… I have even had these ads show up in “ad-free” platforms. The marketing noise from these tools is intense.

Then there is the noise of incorporating these tools when we do decide to purchase them. Implementing them , rolling them out and maintaining them is distracting in and of itself, but then there is the struggle of getting them to all play nice and work together. And when that doesn’t happen, we have to drop what we are doing and try and figure out which one isn’t playing nice and breaking everything. It’s a lot to take on especially if you are a solo business owner. 

Last week’s episode opened up a lot of really good conversations, and y’all know I love a good conversation. The trouble for me was it opened up so many good conversations that I had a hard time deciding where to take this week’s episode. 

Should we talk about “noisy marketing tactics” and how to manage them, or 

Open up the discussion on what to do when promises don’t deliver? 

That is just two of the dozen or so ideas that came to mind, but in the end I decided to address what to me was the obvious elephant in the room… 

In the list of “must have” business tools, Customer Service was last on the list.

Now I admit I wasn’t thinking about customer service either when I first did my research, but the fact that it was tossed in as an afterthought at the end really got me thinking, and those are the thoughts I plan to share with you today. 

Before I get too deep into today’s conversation, let me take a moment to introduce myself, just in case you are new around or forgot about me and simply stumble upon me again. 

I am Teresa Schlup, the Original Caffeine Creative, and I use that creativity to build stand out brands and web designs for solo business owners out there who are tired of doing all the things. If you’d like to chat about that, hop on over to my website https://caffeinecreative.io and book a coffee chat with me, or simply reach out through my contact information below in the show notes. 

So let’s get back to the elephant… I’m calling him Leonard, the awkward guy in the corner trying to hide.

I realize I may not be using that metaphor quite right so let me explain why I think it fits. In the Oxford Language dictionary, which is the dictionary Google references, it is defined as this… 

the elephant in the room

a major problem or controversial issue that is obviously present but avoided as a subject for discussion because it is more comfortable to do so.

The AI Overview was a bit softer in its definition and described 

“the elephant in the room” 

a metaphor for an obvious significant problem or topic that everyone is aware of but no one mentions because it's uncomfortable, controversial, or embarrassing to discuss. 

And while talking about customer service isn’t a controversial issue, or remotely embarrassing at its core it is all about relationship building, and that is a very uncomfortable topic for many. 

When starting a new relationship, building it and maintaining it, there is so much more beneath the surface than a, “Hi how are you doing? Let’s grab coffee.”

There are… 

Past experiences 

Vulnerabilities

Insecurities 

Social Anxieties

And let’s not forget our faithful companion… fear 

All getting in the way and mucking things up. Which is why we avoid building customer relationships, and why it is so much easier to look for the “next best thing” in business to deliver our success. 

This my friends is deep rooted in psychology and being a psychology nerd myself, I dove in and did a little research. I did a lot of reading and I am not going to list all the articles I read, as I few kind of got lost in my searching, and many were focused on romantic relationships which isn’t what we are looking for in our business relationships. 

But most of the articles I read come down to one core truth. Strong relationships are the ones that flourish and thrive. And as a business owner looking to flourish and thrive ourselves, we need to build solid and strong relationships. 

No one doubts the power of strong relationships in any aspect of life, but in terms of business let me give you some solid reasons you need them. 

Here are a few solid reasons I pulled from an article from Forbes’ website on Customer Retention Versus Customer Acquisition

Consumers tend to buy from brands they trust.

Acquiring a new customer can cost five to seven times more than retaining an old one.

Acquiring new customers is marketing, which includes promotions on multiple platforms. This gets expensive my friends! 

Statistics show an increase in customer retention by 5% can lead to a company’s profits growing by 25% to around 95% over a period of time.

Since loyal customers are more familiar with your brand, there are a lot of opportunities to upsell, crosssell and maintain clients through memberships or subscriptions. 

The bottom line is that it is cheaper, easier, and a lot more fun to maintain customers than to constantly be searching for new ones. 

So how do we get past our buddy Leonard… aka the elephant in the room… put aside discomfort and start building those relationships that help our business flourish and thrive… 

We lean into discomfort. 

According to an article in Psychology Today… 

Strong and fulfilling relationships require vulnerability, open communication, and a willingness to embrace discomfort. It is in these moments of unease and vulnerability that we have the opportunity to deepen connections, foster personal growth, and strengthen the foundation of our relationships. Psychology Today –– Embracing Growth and Relationship Discomfort

I know there are probably a million other things you would rather do, like deep clean your toilets, or scrap bugs off our windshield, but if you don’t lean into the discomfort and build those relationships, building your business is most likely going to always feel like a struggle. Like walking up a steep mountain in 4 feet of snow. You may love the snow but even you will have to agree that would be a struggle. 

How to lean into the discomfort in Your business relationships

Using the article from Psychology Today for inspiration I thought I would share with you the seven steps they shared, and how I face each step in my own business. 

Step 1: Acknowledge the Power of Discomfort

I know we all want to avoid discomfort, but it really is powerful. When we feel discomfort, that is our brain telling us, “here’s an opportunity for growth.” 

It’s an opportunity to explore new possibilities, learn more about what we are truly capable of and have a truly transformative experience. 

There are a lot of uncomfortable situations we face as solo business owners, as any any business owner, such as… 

Networking. Sharing who you are and how you help make the world a better place with other business owners, creates a lot of anxiety for many of us. What should I say? How do I say it? What are they going to think of me? The broken record playing through our mind on repeat. 

Making new connections with clients. New clients don’t just magically appear, you have to get out there and find them where they are spending their time. But where is that? And are these really my dream clients? What if they don’t like me? Again the broken record of our minds can be intense

Then there is the first 1:1 connection with a new potential client. This probably isn’t a first impression moment but it is an important impression moment and you want it to go well 

Kicking off a new project or delivering a service. This is the next layer of bricks on that foundation you are building for this relationship and you want it to go well so you can build a strong foundation. 

Delivering on your promises. When you deliver what you promised you want your client to be WOW’ed because ho-hum delivery just doesn’t make that good of an impression and certainly doesn’t stand out. 

And what about Post delivery. Making a lasting impression so they think of you again in the future is so important for retention. 

This is a lot of pressure my friends, so no wonder we look for magic tools to make all this happen for us. But as I shared last week… magic tools no matter how good they are doesn’t not make our business successful alone. 

Once we acknowledge the power of discomfort we need to start tuning in and recognizing when it is showing up within us. 

Step 2: Develop Self-Awareness 

As human beings we love to avoid discomfort so much that our brains have gotten really good at distracting us. We procrastinate, distract ourselves with technology, change the subject, pour an unwanted cup of coffee… or bourbon, and even simply leave the room just to avoid feeling uncomfortable. And we do these things without being fully aware of why. We just know that we must do it quickly. 

Here is what I do when I catch myself doing these things. I pause for just  3 seconds of breath and ask myself…  

What am I feeling physically? What is going on? 

What am I feeling emotionally? 

Am I feeling uncomfortable? Vulnerable? Afraid? 

Why am I feeling this way? 

This short little moment in time is so powerful because it will helps me begin to recognize what it feels like when my discomfort level is high. 

I know that I will feel physically warmer. My eyebrows scrunch up together, and I start chewing on the inside of my lip. 

Emotionally I am feeling anxious, and a little bit afraid that I messed up, or did something stupid. 

When things get really intense I will physically remove myself from where I am, even if it is just to walk across the room and pour that cup of coffee I don’t really want. 

That is what happens to me, and I learned this by taking that short moment to ask… why am I feeling this way? When I understand that, I am then able to lean into discomfort and have an open and honest conversation with myself about what is really going on beneath the surface. 

This my friends is practicing vulnerability, which leads us to step number 3. 

Step 3: Practice Vulnerability

This is a hard one, because hey… No one wants to feel vulnerable. We want to feel happy and most importantly safe and vulnerability doesn’t make a lot of room for either. 

But here is the really amazing thing about leaning in and practicing vulnerability. When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable we are essentially allowing ourselves to be seen and heard as our most genuine and authentic selves. 

This doesn’t mean go out there and shout our fears and dreams out to the whole world and demand to be seen. It means being open and honest with ourselves and those around us about any areas of uncertainty, mistakes that we have made, or weaknesses we perceive within ourselves. 

Doing this… being open and honest… It builds trust and leads to stronger relationships. 

How do you do this? Here is how I do it. 

First I allow myself to acknowledge I am not perfect. I know I like to pretend I am, but I am not. As my mama says, I am perfectly imperfect, as we all are. 

Next I express how I feel as a statement of fact, not an emotional outburst. This one took practice, but it really makes a difference. 

I allow myself and others to feel uncomfortable. This one also took a lot of practice because my initial reaction to discomfort is to ease the tension and make everyone feel comfortable again, but that is just covering up what’s really going on and missing an opportunity. 

I also make it a point to create a safe space around me so others can feel all the feels that are coming up for them. 

Once you begin to embrace your vulnerabilities and allow yourself to feel the feels you have a new challenge before you, which brings us to step 4. 

Step 4: Challenge your own beliefs 

We all have ideas, thoughts, biases, or preconceived notions ingrained within ourselves. Part of leaning into discomfort is being willing to challenge these beliefs and be open to other possibilities and perspectives. 

This one actually came much easier to me, because I love exploring every aspect of the world we live in, and this includes seeing the world through the eyes of others. To do this, I have to be willing to… 

Be open to new ideas, potential outcomes and possibilities

To be open I have to engage in active listening. This means listening to what is being shared for the sole purpose of understanding rather than thinking of how to defend my beliefs.

I make a point to really think about what I have learned, and ask myself… “does this change how I see things? Sometimes I still hold onto the same beliefs but now I have a clearer understanding as to why I hold those beliefs, rather than just blindly defending an old idea ingrained within. 

And I have a better understanding of what those around me believe and think, which makes step number 5 that much easier. 

Step 5: Practice compassion and embrace empathy

Compassion and empathy require patience and understanding. When we can see the how and why others behave and think the way we do, the discomfort we initially felt begins to fade. We may not agree with them, but because we can see how they got to where they are, we can be empathetic and remind ourselves that growth takes time and we all are in different stages of life. 

I think it is important to also that compassion and empathy isn’t something we only extend to others. We must first have compassion and empathy for ourselves. We are all our own worst enemy at times, and when I find myself being just a little too hard on myself, here is what I do…  

I take a step back… 

Take a deep breath… 

And then another… 

I acknowledge what I am feeling… 

and give myself a little grace. 

After all I am doing the best I can with what I know and have, and I will never learn or grow if I refuse to cut myself some slack. Which is a perfect segue into our next step… 

Step 6: Baby Steps my friends!  

We don’t have to dive head first into discomfort and wallow in it. I am a dive right in person, because I like to work through discomfort as quickly as possible, but that hasn’t always been the case. 

Early on in my journey of leaning into discomfort I preferred to dip my toe in and slowly place myself in situations that felt icky and uncomfortable. I would sit there for a bit and just get used to recognizing what it felt like to be in that moment.  As I did so, it got easier and I was able to start facing these uncomfortable situations with more confidence. And that confidence began to naturally build stronger, more lasting relationships. 

And as my friend and colleague Nancy Quinn says… “Confidence is a brand that sells.”

Step 7: Seek professional help

The article that inspired today’s episode is specifically speaking about counseling, and that may not be the help you need. But it may be time to engage a business coach. Not one that promises all your dreams will come true when you follow their 5 simple steps, but a business coach who actually engages with you and takes the time to get to know you. 

I have had a few business coaches over the years, and each coach I have worked with has helped me shape the business I have today, and the life I am living. 

Some taught me what “not to do” 

Others helped me gain clarity 

Some helped be develop systems to manage my business

While others helped me get out of my own way. 

All were worth the time and money I invested, because again I learned something from all of them. 

If you aren’t ready for a business coach, then let me at least make a book recommendation. The ultimate goal of leaning into discomfort is to get to that place of confidence we talked about in step 6. From there you are in the position to build strong relationships and build a business that flourishes and thrives. If confidence is still a struggle, check out the book, Respond with Confidence by Nancy Quinn (Ganzekaufer).  

I have no doubt that by the time you get to step 6 you are a lot closer to success than you realize, and this book may just be the nudge to help you see that. And if you love Nancy as much as I do, she will actually be on the show again in the very near future talking about Confident Communication and I guarantee you will want to tune into that episode.