Episode Summary:
Do you have what it takes to make your dreams happen? This is a question a lot of us struggle with, when building our business, especially building a business solo. And we often hear well intentioned encouragement that says something like... "You can do anything you put your mind to."
That is sweet and kind of true, but it takes a lot more than will power to make this dream of running a business come true, and today I am sharing with you the 8 character strengths that all solopreneurs need to find the success they are chasing.
What I am talking about in today's episode...
- The doubts we all face at some point
- A flip of the script to the well intentioned encouragement
- Why have a "will" doesn't always mean finding the right way
- The 8 character strengths you need
Links to the cool stuff mentioned in this episode...
Ep. 72. Can I Really Get Paid to Do This?
Links to connect with me...
Book a Consult HERE! (https://caffeinecreative.io/consult/)
Email me HERE! theperfectblendcaffeinecreative.io
Detailed Show Notes
Hello and happy Tuesday my friends, or whatever day you are tuning in. I am so excited to have you here with me on the Solo Grind, and I am happy to be back. You may not have noticed… and it is really okay if you didn’t, but I skipped last week.
I had every intention of recording a fabulous episode for you, I even had my notes all ready to go weeks in advance. I had everything ready to go but the recording itself, and unfortunately my body, more specifically my voice had other ideas. I have been fighting allergies and then a cold for weeks, and my poor voice was struggling.
It is still struggling a little bit but I am no longer sipping hot toddies to survive the day, or having to cross my legs every time I cough so I am definitely on the mend for reals this time.
In our last episode we dove into the question… Can I really get paid to do this?
And followed the romantic idea of entrepreneurship along with the reality of the two paths we can take to actually answer that question.
The path of learning, planning and dreaming longer… and
The path of taking the BIG leap
As I shared in that episode, both paths can lead to success or disaster, and while everyone has an opinion about which path is the “right” path and which path you should choose, the reality is that you are the only one that can determine the direction that is right for you. If you’d like to listen to that episode I will be sure to include a link in the show notes.
This week we are going to ask the next question that often pops up in our minds… Do I have what it takes to make this happen?
This is one of the questions that brings doubts to the surface.
Doubts that we hold within ourselves, and doubts others share with us as we tell them our dreams. On the flip side of doubts is the well intentioned encouragement that really doesn’t answer the question. Encouragement like
You can do anything you put your mind to
Where there is a will there is a way
You wouldn’t have had the idea if you were meant to make it happen
These words of encouragement wrapped in a sparkling romantic outer shell are sweet, but they still fall short of answering the question… Do I have what it takes to make this happen?
Now I’d like to say that YES! I believe you can do anything you set your mind to.
I also believe that where there is a will there is a way.
But just because you have the know-how and a will to make things happen, doesn’t actually mean you have what it takes to make every idea and every dream happen. There are actually character traits ingrained within us that help make the dreams worth pursuing become reality and that is what we are going to be talking about today.
But first I want to share a little personal story about how I learned that know-how and willingness aren’t enough.
For as long as I can remember I wanted to be a life coach. That wasn’t even a term when I started having this dream, but that is what I wanted to be. I had this deep desire to help people feel seen and heard, and discover who they really are within.
When I first went to college I decided to study psychology, because that was the path I thought would take me to my dream. I love the world of psychology and discovering how beautifully complicated our brains are. I love seeing our lives and experience shape how we think and react to the world around us, and how becoming aware of this within ourselves can help us shape the life we live.
Unfortunately, the college that had a program for psychology in my area, was very research oriented, and the head of the department didn’t really think you could help people in the field of psychology, you could only hope to one day understand them.
Online universities were just starting to become a thing and moving wasn’t an option for me, so I left that university and began searching for another path. A few years later I found an online school that had exactly what I was looking for, and I got my degree in transformational psychology with an emphasis on Life Coaching and Hypnotherapy. That degree involved a lot of intense study, and deep work on myself, and it wasn’t always easy, but I had a set my mind to getting this degree, and I was willing to do what it takes.
So I pushed through the challenges. I woke up early so that I could listen to lectures while I made breakfast for my kids before heading off to work. I stayed up late doing my homework so that I didn’t have to take incompletes and delay my degree. I skipped weekend fun with the family working on projects and research assignments.
And I made it happen. I became a life coach and a certified clinical hypnotherapist.
You may be asking yourself, why am I sharing all of this?
Well because I want to flip the script on that well intentioned advice we all get when asking the questions. Do I have what it takes to make this happen?
I proved I could do anything by getting my degree, and I proved that where there is a will there is a way in my search for finding the right degree program, and yet I still didn’t have what it takes to become a successful life coach. The character traits which have helped me become a successful brand strategist and web designer weren’t present in my pursuit to become a life coach.
Which also debunks the last piece of encouragement we often hear… You wouldn’t have had the idea if you were meant to follow your dreams
Some ideas don’t lead to what we really want or where we really want to be in life, even if they come on strong. Case in point… after everything I did to become a life coach, I still left that dream behind me 9 years ago and have never regretted that decision.
As I shared a moment ago, there are character traits that show up naturally when we are following the path that is meant for us. And I think Liz Steblay captures these perfectly in her book Succeeding as a Solopreneur, and I thought I would share these with you today, as these are the strengths I attribute to my own success.
Character Strengths #1 Authenticity:
Authenticity indicates honesty and integrity. For solopreneurs, it means being genuine, sincere, and true to yourself without pretense. Take responsibility for your feelings and actions without making excuses. –– Liz Steblay, Succeeding as a Solopreneur
When I first read those words, I felt I was reading copy from my own website. I have a page that speaks to my core values on my website, and on that page I share how important honesty, even when it isn’t easy, is to me, as well as how important it is that I own what I do. If I make a mistake I own it, and when I do well I own that too. This is what being authentic means to me, and while I may define it differently as I evolve as a person, it has long been one of my core values.
So do you have the authenticity it takes to make this happen?
Let me ask you this… when you are thinking about your own business, are you looking to build this business in a way that feels 100% like you, or are you looking to copy someone else’s path to success. While there is nothing wrong with getting inspiration from what others do, copying what they do, or walking their path will never lead you to your dreams. It will only lead you to theirs.
Character Strength #2 Love of Learning/Curiosity:
Love of Learning/Curiosity means mastering new skills and seeking out unfamiliar knowledge – both of which can be intimidating outside your comfort zone. Still, having an innate curiosity and a knack for puzzling out solutions to sticky problems are hallmarks of solopreneurs. –– Liz Steblay, Succeeding as a Solopreneur
Our love of learning and innate curiosity is the very reason we became entrepreneurs in the first place. We are constantly asking “what if” and then exploring the possibilities we discover.
I know I myself am always learning something new. I love to read about the process of doing something, experimenting with different methods, seeing which ones fit the best for me and perfecting what I have learned. Just this past weekend I hosted a fajita night at my house so that my guests could taste test my homemade tortillas to determine which flour was the best to use when making these.
And while food is one of my favorite topics to explore and learn about, I do this in my business as well. I am always testing new website builders, because I love seeing how they all work. I even work with three different builders for my clients so that they can have the platform that will work best for them.
Do you have the Love of Learning, the Curiosity it takes to make this happen?
If you find yourself full of curiosity, always learning about the dream you are pursuing… the answer is probably yes. But this isn’t the only character trait needed to make things happen. As I said I love learning, but I certainly don’t want to open up a tortilla stand!
Character Strength #3 Empathy
Empathy, usually thought of as a “soft” skill, is crucial for solopreneur success. Empathy means the ability to see things from different perspectives – a people first approach – by putting yourself in your client’s shoes so you can understand their viewpoint, feelings and problems. It's an invaluable perspective that allows you to anticipate their needs and find compromises or solutions that work for them. –– Liz Steblay, Succeeding as a Solopreneur
One of the most common conversations I see happening in entrepreneurial groups on facebook and other similar message board platforms is the constant complaining about clients not understanding their process and asking stupid questions.
These conversations always have me scratching my head and thinking… well of course they don’t understand, that is why they reach out to you.
When we have empathy it is a lot easier to see why they don’t understand, and this makes it easier to address the questions that they have. Rather than seeing questions as an annoyance or a lack of trust in our abilities, we see them as an opportunity to educate our clients about our process and why it makes sense for them.
For example when I start a new design project, many people want to dive into the design of the website right away, and I get it. That is the fun, creative and tangible aspect of the project, but is not the best place to begin. Instead my initial focus is on getting to know my clients and their clients intimately. I want to know all the basic demographics like age, gender and stage of life, as well as more specific details like their use of technology, where they get their news, and what they do for fun. These details may seem trivial or useless but it tells me a lot about what they are looking for in a website. And the ultimate goal is more than building a really cool website. It is to build a really cool website that feels easy and comfortable for my clients as well as their clients.
I don’t get annoyed when this conversation pops up, even though it has popped up 100s of times. I remember being this person myself once upon a time, and I can easily see their perspective. I also understand why they want to take this approach, and am happy to explain why it’s to their benefit to slow down.
Do you have the Empathy it takes to make this happen?
If you want to attract your dream clients and build lasting relationships, empathy has to be part of how you naturally operate. You need to be able to see things from their perspective so you can anticipate their individual needs. If that feels natural to you, then you probably do have what it takes to follow through.
Character Strength #4 Stubbornness
Stubbornness is sometimes described as grit, determination, perseverance, or resilience, but I consider myself just plain stubborn. I refuse to give in and I often double down when the situation gets dire. –– Liz Steblay, Succeeding as a Solopreneur
I love Liz’s description here because while the entrepreneurial world loves to paint a pretty picture and call it determination, perseverance, or resilience, it is this character strength that those who know us best call stubbornness.
I cannot remember a time in my life when I wasn’t considered stubborn, and honestly I have always been okay with that. When I know what I want, and it is truly important to me I am not willing to compromise and settle for less. And this is something I have been criticized for relentlessly over the years, but I also am living the dream so again… I am okay being stubborn.
Do you have the Stubbornness it takes to make this happen?
If you are following a dream and you're willing to put in the work necessary and unwilling to compromise or settle for less, then you have your answer.
Character Strength #5 Candor
Candor is about frank communication. It’s not always easy to be candid with people, especially clients, but it fosters respect and trusting relationships. It saves time and eliminates ambiguity about your intentions and what you offer. And when you focus on the positive to get the point across without being too harsh, it positions you as a leader. –– Liz Steblay, Succeeding as a Solopreneur
One of the hardest things about being a solopreneur is having to share the hard truths. We don’t have the luxury of passing this task off to someone else, and we can’t ignore what needs to be said. But if you can’t step up and say what needs to be said, with respect and kindness, you strengthen your position, your business and your success more than you can imagine.
Do you have the Candor it takes to make this happen?
People always remember when someone stood by them during a difficult time and was honest. They also remember the times when someone lied to them, tried to hide the truth, or pointed fingers and assigned blame. If you are willing to speak honestly, even when the conversation is uncomfortable, then you likely have the candor it takes to make it happen.
I also want to say that this is one of those skills that I believe can be learned, and one that I think we all need to practice because being too direct can make a bad situation worse, just as much as beating around the bush.
Character Strengths #6 Confidence
Confidence isn’t arrogance. Rather it's a clear-eyed appreciation of your skills and abilities, even when you want to throw in the towel. –– Liz Steblay, Succeeding as a Solopreneur
Confidence is one a lot of us struggle with, and in my opinion, I believe that as long as we struggle we will never truly find the success we are searching for.
To be successful as a solo small business owner you have to be confident every time you speak to a prospective new client. You have to be confident when stating what you can do for them, and when sharing your pricing. And you have to show up with confidence when the work begins, and all throughout the work, to assure them they made the right choice in you.
Do you have the Confidence it takes to make this happen?
Can you look your potential clients in the eye and speak clearly about what you can do for them? Are you comfortable fielding questions or finding the answers when the answers are immediately clear? Do you clearly state your pricing? If you can say yes to these, I would say you have a lot of confidence.
If you can’t give a big ol’ yes to these, don’t worry. This too is a trait that you can develop and you do that by showing up.
Character Strength #7 Creativity
Creativity does not necessarily refer to artistic skills–although visually or aesthetically pleasing materials or work products are helpful.
Another way to describe this attribute is flexibility, or out of the box thinking. Creative flexibility allows you to bend instead of being knocked down and to see setbacks as opportunities. –– Liz Steblay, Succeeding as a Solopreneur
We’ve all had to get creative a time or two as we build our businesses and follow our dreams. I know that for me, when I have a dream that is just that good, I will think and think and think until I come up with a new solution to a problem I am facing. I also know that when I am unwilling to put some serious brain power to a problem, it is probably a problem I don’t need to solve on a path I don’t need to follow.
Do you have the Creativity it takes to make this happen?
Creative thinking is what helps us find solutions when something completely unexpected derails our progress. It is what helps us come up with new inventive ways of doing something when our resources are limited, and it is exactly what we need to build a business around the life we want to live. If you are always able to find the way forward, no matter what stands in your way, then you’ve got the creativity to make it happen!
Character Strengths #8 Emotional Intelligence
Emotional Intelligence may be the single most crucial character strength. It refers to the ability to manage relationships and communicate with people–professionally and personally–with empathy and skill by understanding emotions and social cues. Solopreneurs need to be able to actively listen and read a room for both verbal and non-verbal signals to effectively deliver what is required. –– Liz Steblay, Succeeding as a Solopreneur
I couldn’t agree with Liz more… This is one of the most crucial strengths you need to have to be successful as a solo small business owner. And I would say, it is important that we structure our businesses in a way that makes this easier for us to do.
One way is 1:1 communication and more meetings. I know we live in a world where we want less meetings, and we are all on the hunt for creating more efficiency in our lives, but eliminating face time with our clients honestly can hurt us more than we think.
For example, when I am about to reveal the initial draft of a website to a client, I could send them a link via email. That would be incredibly efficient and save me the time of another appointment on my calendar. I could even take it a step further and do a quick video tour of their website on Loom and send that along with the link.
But in doing this I am missing out on vital information.
By sending the link I can’t see their reaction, and I have no way of picking up on any non-verbal cues that may indicate they don’t love what I created.
By spending time with my clients and having an actual live video call I can see their reaction. And while I really do hope to see their faces light up with love for what I created, I also want to see their faces if they are disappointed, confused or just overwhelmed. At this moment I am putting all of my emotional intelligence skills to work to determine how they really feel about the design.
Some will tell me in words they don’t like something, but a lot of people want to spare my feelings, or want to avoid conflict, and won’t say anything at all. I have seen clients willing to accept a website they don’t love because they are afraid to speak up, and that isn’t okay for me.
The added benefit here is that when I pick up on the verbal and non-verbal signals, I am able to start the conversation myself, and figure out what doesn’t feel right. We can then make the necessary changes, so that in the end they have a website they truly love.
Being able to read your clients' reactions, and address what they are truly feeling, versus what they say, is one of the traits that will help you stand out above others in your industry.
Liz says one more thing about emotional intelligence in her book that is worth addressing…
They need to recognize emotions or reactions that might be triggered by something unrelated to a particular interaction. Though emotions may be high and reactions strong, don’t take unpleasant responses personally.
Sometimes the reactions we see have little to do with us or the work we did and everything to do with what is going on in the lives of our clients. If you can simply recognize that something is “off” and address that with compassion and empathy, you’ll realize it isn’t you. Saying something as simple as, “I feel like something isn’t a fit for you. What’s going on?” can open the door to honest communication that is going to strengthen the relationship, and improve the final outcome.
Do you have the Emotional Intelligence it takes to make this happen?
Are you willing to take the time to “read between the lines” and tune into the verbal and non-verbal cues? This may take practice, but it is one of those skills that is going to pay off for years to come.
How I know when I have what it takes to make it happen…
These character strengths will appear naturally in whatever it is I am doing. What is more important to remember is that when they don’t appear what I am pursuing probably isn’t worth doing.
And on that note I want to leave you all with one last thought… Operating your own business is hard work, especially if you are taking the solo path. But it is totally worth doing when you have the character traits in place for the path you are on. If any of these trip you up and have you thinking, “maybe this isn’t what I want…” I am sure you have another idea brewing or one on the way. So don’t be afraid to step back… pivot… and let yourself explore a new idea that may just be a better fit.
That is what I did when I closed my Life Coaching business 9 years ago, despite all the time and money I invested pursuing it, and I have never regretted my decision to leave it behind.
